Ventura FC 4 - 1 Wanks FC

Sunday 26th February 2012,
Bedford Park, Southport

Scorers: Nolan, Leigh (2), Trecharichi (pen)

After exacting revenge for their defeat earlier in the season against ASM, Ventura this time set about achieving the same feat over Banks FC, who in the previous fixture were fortunate winners in a closely fought game. On this occasion however some more clinical finishing from Ventura, including a sensational Di Canio-esque volley from Leigh, ensured they secured the three points.

Unsurprisingly & true to form, Ventura started well & took the lead when Nolan headed home from a corner. Palfrey then came close to adding a second as his volley struck the post, leaving him remarkably yet to find the net for Ventura this season. Not long after he was seemingly brought down in the box, only for the rebound to fall to Leigh whose side foot finish into the opposite oozed composure & promptly left the Banks keeper stranded.

The second half came to life for the away team when they produced a copy-cat of Ventura's opening goal, a corner was floated into the Ventura box & the Banks defender produced the header into the corner. Any hopes of their revival were shortlived however as Ventura were awarded their 4th penalty in two games. On this occasion the lone striker of Chris Ball was brought down in the box, just as he was ready to shoot at goal. In the absence of last week's penalty machine Dalton, this time it was Trecharichi who stepped up & converted the spot kick, his record of never having missed a penalty for Ventura remaining unblemished.

The goal bred frustration amongst the Banks team as both their lack of composure & consistent complaints to the referee brought about Ventura's best spell of the game. Whilst the Banks players lunged in repeatedly the Ventura players simply passed around them & wasted a series of chances to extend their lead. Frank missed connecting with a volley from all of five yards before Ball narrowly shot wide when put through on goal. Leigh then showed his team-mates how it was done with an outrageous scissor-kick volley following a cross from Frank, the ball thundering into the bottom corner. Banks had little to offer & struggled to make any impact on the Ventura goal as the home side recorded an incredible 11th straight win in a row, moving level on points with ASM in second place.

4-5-1 formation used against Banks FC

Statue to be unveiled to commemorate Foley Penalties!!!

The Foley Memorial

ASM Athletic 4 - 5 Ventura FC ...It's 10 in a row!!!!!

Sunday 19th February 2012
Portland Street, Southport

Scorers: Conkling, Foley, Dalton (3 pens)

The 2011/2012 season has seen many records broken for Ventura FC & Sunday's crucial clash against ASM proved to be no exception as it delivered yet another win in Ventura's record run & also in delivering 3 penalties, the highest Ventura have ever received in any one game. Ironically it was the awarding & non-awarding of penalties that led to this being such a fascinating duel.

Determined to overcome their opening day defeat by ASM, Ventura started brightly & took the lead when Foley pulled back for Conkling to poke home his fourth of the season from close range. A foul that was blatantly inside the penalty area was then refused by the referee, who instead awarded Ventura a free kick on the edge of the box, this despite clear marks on the turf of where the offence was committed. Justice was done however as from the free kick the ball was crossed to Dalton who's header struck the bar & into the path of Foley who bundled home. Ventura then were very much in the ascendancy.

Justice was shortlived however as the referee then inexplicably awarded ASM a penalty in a similar position only this time the foul was clearly outside of the penalty area, again the turf showing the evidence. ASM slotted home to make it 2-1 & suddenly found their confidence again. Shortly before half-time however Foley was brought down again inside the box & this time the referee pointed to the spot for Ventura. Up stepped Dalton to convert the pen & restore Ventura's 2 goal lead going into the break.

The second half had an equal amount of drama as ASM fought their way back into the game, first with a goal from a break through the centre & then from a shot that was deflected in past Slocombe following a corner. Painfully for Ventura they slumped to concede another goal as ASM unbelievably took the lead at 4-3. Thankfully for the reds it was short-lived however as Foley drew another foul inside the ASM box & for the third time in the game the ref pointed to the spot, again the same defender at fault. Dalton again stepped up & with a change of direction in his penalty kick secured the equaliser. 4-4.

Foley & Dalton weren't finished however as yet again, incredibly, Foley was brought down by the same ASM defender & the ref awarded the final penalty of the day. A 3rd change of direction in his penalty kick from Dalton then gave Ventura the lead, ASM finally subbing their guilty centre-back. The reds also had a small re-shuffle & Nolan moved into the centre, putting Conkling to right-midfield to offer cover to Burgess. It worked as Ventura held on resolutely & saw out the remainder of the game with ASM unable to find an answer.

Ventura's line-up against ASM

Capello quits England shock! Nolan considering the role!

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Fabio Capello has quit his post as manager of the England national football team. This revelation comes after he publicly criticised the FA over their stance regarding John Terry being stripped of the England captaincy. Fabio is not the first Italian in recent times to abandon a sinking ship, as highlighted in the image below:

Caio Fabio!

In a shocking development we understand that after 9 successive wins, Ventura FC manager Carl Nolan has not ruled out the possibility of applying for the vacant England manager's job. In a statement he said, "Yeah why not. I won the World Cup with them on PES 2012 so I don't see why I couldn't do it at the Euros."
Ventura striker Damien-Mark Miller also expressed an interest in the post but has yet to pay his subs, which essentially rules him out of the running.

Adam Lang cleared of Tax Evasion by Jury!

BREAKING NEWS:

After a 13 day trial, Ventura star Adam Lang expressed his relief today at the court's ruling to find him 'not guilty' of tax evasion. The case came to light after HMRC stumbled upon a Monaco bank account belonging to Mr Lang under the name 'Dexter78'. He simply argued the money in the account had been a gift & that Dexter was his dog's name & 78 represented his year of birth.

Dexter makes a withdrawal

The Bedford Park Cat!

Once again Ventura FC's fixture list was thrown into chaos by the local council. As they are running out of reasons for postponing fixtures we decided to blame this one on a local cat invading the pitch. It is known as the Bedford Park cat & has already opened a Twitter account that has over 30,000 followers.

The Bedford Park cat in action

 

 

Pete Brocklebank on loan to Forest!

Stoke City FC have allowed their defensive star Peter Brocklebank to go on loan to Nottingham Forest. In a statement manager Tony Pulis said, "We appreciate the need for Peter to sort his hammer skills out & due to a lack of first team opportunities here, we've decided to send him out on loan."

Ventura FC star Danny Higginbotham is said to be very disappointed at the news.

Disappointed: Pete Brock

Dune FM Reserves 2 - 4 Ventura FC

Sunday 29 January 2012
Bedford Park, Southport

Scorers: Frank (2), Lang, own goal

Ventura's winning run was extended to 9 games after a gritty performance against a resilient Dunes FM team, who missed a first half penalty.

In yet another changing line-up & playing in their white & black away kit, Ventura asserted themselves well early on & put pressure on the Dune's defence until Lang managed to skip between 2 defenders & slot home. The finish was Lang's first goal for Ventura & a stark contrast to the finishing he'd produced earlier in the season against West Lancs.

Ventura then could have added another as Frank found himself through on goal only to see his finish narrowly go wide of the post. It was then Frank who added Ventura's second goal however as he timed his run perfectly to remain onside & slot home.

Dunes then posed more of an attacking threat towards the end of the second half & were awarded a penalty when Lang, trying to make amends for scoring, decided to bring down a Dunes player in the box, the referee having no hesitation in pointing to the spot. After some Grobbelaar-esque leg movements from Slocombe, the Dunes player then attempted to find the top right corner only to see his spot kick fly harmlessly high & over the bar.

Dunes did however recover quickly from the miss & scored late into the half after Slocombe found himself isolated & the Dunes striker lifted the ball over him to make the scoreline 2-1. Ventura then nearly regained their 2 goal cushion just before halftime as Conkling pulled the ball back for Orang-Utan only for him to see his shot well saved as the Dunes keeper tipped the ball onto the post.

The second half resumed with tired legs from both sides & Ventura regained their 2 goal lead after a bizarre own goal. Frank had chipped the keeper & with the ball nearing the goal, a Dunes defender raced back but hacked wildly at his clearance to smash the ball into the top corner of his own goal. Frank then topped off a good personal performance by drilling in low after rounding the Dunes keeper, after being put through by Heron.

Joey Lea (aka Luis Suarez), on as a half-time substitute, showed some neat touches & energy when he replaced Orang-Utan. Then whilst Ventura tired towards the end, Dunes added a late headed goal but it was too little too late & Ventura comfortbaly held on for another 3 points & a club record 9th consecutive win.

The real test for Ventura will come next week as they face top of the table Herald Reserves who still remain unbeaten in the league this season.

Ventura's 4-5-1 formation against Dunes

Scarisbrick Hotel 1 - 9 Ventura FC

Sunday 22 January 2012,
Bedford Park, Southport

Scorers: Hand, Ball (3), Frank (3), Nolan, Orang-Utan

Guest Writer This Week: Peter Brocklebank (aka Harold Shipman, aka Peter Sutcliffe)

Guest Writer/Coach...

Alright? Yeah I'm back writing this week's update 'coz Dave is a bad man & didn't play today. We did better without him anyway & I had a go at being Carl's Assistant Manager. Getting a feel for this coaching lark. I think my half-time teamtalk had the desired effect as we won 9-1. I told Ali that his hat-trick was simply not good enough & that he needed to pull his socks up. He told me to stop telling him what to do! Who's he think he is? Where's my hammer?


Anyway, we were 2-0 up at half-time, had a new lad playing called Chris Ball. Apparently he used to play in the same team as Dave & Jamie. He was alright, scored a hat-trick like, but I would've done better. I decided to come on for the last 10 minutes to show the lads how it's done. Oooooosh! Sausage!

Man of the Match: Pete Brock (in my opinion)

2012 Update!!!

No Ventura FC haven't gone into administration! Due to the bad weather & the Xmas break, Ventura FC are still waiting to resume their fixtures in 2012. Merry Xmas by the way & a Happy New Year. All the best! We'll be back soon.

In the meantime, here is a pic of what Fisherman's Rest player Andy Uttley would have looked like if we'd have played them during the bad weather.

Andy Uttley following a Brock tackle